The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy with cozy traditions and meaningful moments with loved ones. But for many people, that picture doesn’t reflect reality. There can be a quiet pressure to feel happy and grateful all the time, even when the season brings up more complicated emotions. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, grief, or stress are common during the holidays, and experiencing them doesn’t make you ungrateful. It’s possible to hold multiple emotions at once: to feel thankful and overwhelmed, joyful and sad. Even a joyous holiday season can cause feelings of stress and overwhelm, according to the American Psychological Association. Feeling this way does not mean you are ungrateful or unappreciative. One emotion doesn’t erase another.
Why are mixed emotions common around the holidays?
The holiday season is often a reminder of what our lives are like compared to what we imagine our lives to be. This contrast can stir up complicated or even conflicting emotions. Nostalgia, social and external pressures, and our own expectations of ourselves can contribute to feelings of not measuring up, and some people may chastise themselves for not living up to the idealized version they’ve hoped to achieve.
Mixed emotions are also common when your experience of the holiday season doesn’t match the curated image that’s been portrayed by the media. It’s natural to wonder if you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes, people can internalize feelings of guilt and shame for feeling emotions other than “joy” because the holiday celebrations they see on social media and television are so cheerful and upbeat.
For people who are grieving a loved one, estranged or living far away from their family, the holiday season can feel deeply isolating and far from joyful. Being surrounded by festivities and celebrations while you’re navigating a difficult time is especially challenging because the environment that is around you is vastly different than how you feel, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness during the holidays.
Whether you feel sadness, grief, anxiety, or numbness around this time of year, know that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone in how you’re feeling. Grief doesn’t go away just because the holidays are here. The holidays can also intensify triggers from past experiences, making it harder to be “in the moment” and enjoy the festive atmosphere around you. Remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no. Spending your time intentionally during the holidays can make it easier to avoid certain triggers and navigate difficult emotions. When complex emotions arise, it’s important to acknowledge them and make time for self-care.
What to do when the holidays feel heavy
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, here is a list of gentle, practical things you can do to care for yourself:
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment. The holidays can bring up a mix of emotions, and that’s completely normal. Recognizing and naming your emotions can help you process them instead of ignoring them.
2. Honour your grief
Grief doesn’t go away when the calendar turns to December. If you’re missing someone or something this holiday season, find a way to honour them. Whether that’s lighting a candle, looking through a photo album, or participating in a special tradition, you can let grief and love coexist in a way that feels right for you.
3. Set realistic expectations
Let go of the pressure of needing to have the “perfect” holiday and focus on what feels sustainable for you. You are allowed to choose what matters to you and skip what doesn’t, even if it looks different from what others expect.
4. Make time for rest
With so much going on, the holidays can be stressful and overstimulating. It’s okay to slow down and make time for rest. Taking a warm bath, listening to calming music, or spending a quiet night reading a book are some ways you can recharge and feel more energized.
Practice self-care strategies
Simple activities like journaling, meditation, or going for a walk can help you feel more grounded when emotions feel intense. Practicing self-compassion can go a long way in reducing anxiety.
Remember that mixed emotions are normal and it’s okay to feel conflicted. There is space for gratitude and grief to coexist, and there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays. At the end of the day, do what brings you the most peace.
If you would like support during the holiday season, please reach out for a free 20-minute consultation with Humanicity Psychotherapy. We’re here to help you explore and navigate your emotions in a safe and supportive way.