Our bodies are with us through everything. They hold our stories, our memories, our resilience. They carry us through joy, challenge, love and loss. But when our body changes in ways we didn’t expect or choose, whether because of illness, injury, disability, aging, or another life event, it can stir up a deep, unexpected sense of loss.

This feeling has a name. The term “body grief” was coined by Jayne Mattingly, and it speaks to the emotional experience of grieving the body you once had or the body you imagined you’d always have. In this blog, we share our own perspective on what it means and how we can navigate it.

While the language for it may be new to you, the experience often isn’t. Body grief can show up quietly or all at once. It can feel like sadness, frustration, shame, or even numbness. And it can be hard to talk about because society often pushes us to “stay positive” about our bodies, leaving little space to honour the very real emotions that come with change.

What is Body Grief

Body grief is about missing the body you once had, or the body you thought you’d always have.

It doesn’t always come with tears or obvious sadness. Sometimes it shows up as frustration or anger at a diagnosis. Sometimes it’s the quiet ache of not being able to do what you used to do, or feeling like you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror anymore.

When our body changes, we’re not only adjusting physically, we’re also adjusting to a new way of seeing ourselves and being seen in the world. We may have to renegotiate activities we loved, the ways we connect with others, or even our sense of identity.

That loss can be layered.

  • You might miss the ease or energy you once had.
  • You might feel anger at a diagnosis or the circumstances that brought this change.
  • You might wish people understood how different things feel now.

It’s important to know that these emotions aren’t a sign of weakness or self-criticism.  It simply means you’re human. Grief comes when something meaningful shifts, and our body is about as meaningful as it gets.

Why It Can Hurt So Deeply

When your body changes, you’re not just adjusting physically. You’re also adjusting emotionally, socially, even spiritually.

It can feel like losing a version of yourself. Activities you loved might be harder. Relationships might shift. Your sense of identity might feel shaken.

And because our culture often tells us to “stay positive” or “just accept yourself,” it can feel like there’s no space to talk about the real loss you’re experiencing. That silence can make body grief feel even heavier.

Making Space for Your Body Grief

The first step in working through body grief is giving yourself permission to feel it without judgment.

Name it. Sometimes simply acknowledging, “I’m grieving my body right now,” can bring relief.

Find safe spaces. Talk to a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend who can help you navigate the complexity of your feelings.

Separate worth from appearance or ability. Your value doesn’t shrink because your body has changed.

This isn’t about rushing toward “acceptance” or forcing yourself to be grateful. And this isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about honouring what was and gently opening yourself to what is.

Body Grief and Self-Compassion

One of the hardest parts of body grief is learning to be gentle with yourself in the middle of it.

Grieving your body is deeply personal work. Self-compassion is not about ignoring the loss, but about walking yourself through it with kindness. That might look like slowing down, setting gentler expectations, or finding new ways to feel comfortable in your own skin.

You’re allowed to miss the body you once had while still caring for the one you have now.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

This work takes time, but you don’t have to do it by yourself.

If you’re experiencing body grief, therapy can offer a space to process the loss, work through difficult emotions, and rebuild your relationship with your body in a way that feels honest, respectful, and empowering. We offer therapy for body grief here in Ontario, and together, we can create space for your healing journey.